


I Am Burdened

by CaptainSophieStark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSophieStark/pseuds/CaptainSophieStark
Summary: Loki's POV during the battle of New York and then what happens right after. Canon-divergent from when Loki gets shot off his Chitauri chariot by Clint. Little bit of angst, little bit of fluff, little bit of humor, little bit of romance. Loki is dealing with the Battle of New York and seeing the irreparable damage he's causing the city (and his relationship with his brother) when he gets the sense knocked out of him. A handsome Midguardian cop comes to his rescue.
Relationships: Loki/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 24





	I Am Burdened

"Look at this! Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?"

I stared out at the Midguard city of New York as it burned, locked in a fight with my brother. I had done this. It didn't feel real; how had I gotten to this point?

This was far beyond mischief.

I wanted to listen to my brother, to do something about the madness he spoke of, but the pounding in my head was unbelievable, and any time I tried to find a solution it doubled in its intensity.

"It's too late," I panted, tearing the words from my body. The statement felt more honest than anything I'd done in days. I hoped my brother would understand. I hoped he could hear the regret in my voice. "It's too late to stop it."

"No. We can." My brother stared intently into my eyes, and I returned his gaze. "Together."

For a brief, shining moment, I was going to go with him. We would fix the city and stop the invasion, together. Be the heroes the Midguardian people so desperately craved, together. We could return home, victorious, together.

But then the pounding in my head got worse. My brother's look became a threat. It felt like I was burning up along with the city, and before I knew what was happening, I stabbed my knife straight into his chest.

He fell back, clutching at the wound, and suddenly I was back on Asgard, decades and centuries ago. My brother was young, traipsing through the forest without a care in the world, laughing as he ran with a wooden toy sword. I laid in the grass, waiting for him.

Thor knew I could shapeshift. He'd known for ages. I'd even done this to him before. Still, when my brother came across a snake in the grass, he couldn't help but stoop down to investigate. He picked me up, and before he knew what was happening, I transformed back into myself and jabbed a little knife of my own into his side.

"Blargh! It's me!" I yelled, laughing as he stumbled back in the grass. Thor was getting stronger and faster every day, and trickery and smarts were the only way I could get him anymore.

"Father!" Thor yelled, running back off to the palace. I didn't waste a second before turning into a bird and flying to my mother's room as quickly as I could. She wouldn't be happy with me, but she would protect me from the worst of my father's rage.

My vision faded, and I was looking at my brother on the ground again.

"Sentiment," I managed to whisper. It was the only thing I could think to say.

Before I knew what was happening, my brother was up and kicking me through a pane of glass. I couldn't think clearly enough to fight back; he picked me up and lifted me over his head, and for a moment everything froze. Then, time sped up as Thor hurled me to the ground. I landed hard, and the pounding in my head was joined by a ringing in my ears. I groaned, but then a tiny whisper in my head told me exactly what I needed to do.

I moved like I was trying to get up, then before Thor could stop me, I rolled off the edge of the Tower.

I fell through the air with nothing to stop me, and for a moment I thought this was the end. That whisper in my ear finally decided to kill me. But then, I turned and caught the handlebars of an empty Chitauri bike as it flew underneath me. I grabbed the handles and situated myself, and a squadron of Chitauri warriors flanked me as we flew through the buildings of New York.

It was too late to go back. My brother offered me an olive branch, and I denied it. The pounding in my head got worse the more I thought about him. About Asgard. About mother.

About the home I could never return to now.

If I was stuck playing the villain, I might as well do it right.

I marshalled my troops as we let loose on the streets of New York. The Midguardians ran and cowered in fear, and I flew over the rest of my brother's new friends. There was nothing they could do to stop me now.

I passed the Avengers, as they were apparently calling themselves, and rained down another round of fire on the Midguardians below. They scattered and scrambled for cover like rats. I barely knew what I was doing as I fired again and again and again. Nothing seemed real, except the pounding in my head. And every time I did as the whisper bid, every time I fired another shot, the pounding got just a little bit better.

I felt like I was watching myself from outside my own body as I swept through every street in New York. I had no idea how long I'd been doing it, or how much longer I was going to do it.

Eventually, I caught sight of my brother again. He and his friends had apparently overcome their differences, and were standing back to back, as a team, with the corpses of my army surrounding them. The next words out of my mouth felt like an instinct.

"Send the rest." I breathed the words, barely above a whisper, but my command was still heard. A fresh wave of soldiers and monsters flooded through the wormhole, and surely it was too late now. Powerful as they were, my brother and his friends would never be able to stand against this.

I looked down from my seat aboard one of the chariots. It was surely hopeless now, but still, everyone below kept fighting.

For some reason they just weren't willing to give up.

I watched them fight, but no matter how many soldiers they defeated, two more replaced them. As long as the portal remained open, they had no hope.

All of a sudden, one of my brother's new friends caught my eye. The redheaded one who spent so long trying to get information out of me had stolen a chariot and was heading for the top of the Tower at full speed.

I had to stop her. I was moving and shooting before my brain caught all the way up with my actions.

We flew through the streets at top speed. For someone who had no idea what she was doing trying to drive a Chitauri chariot, she certainly was a fast learner. Unfortunately for her, she had no gunner.

As we rose through the sky and came around the corner of a larger building, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Her archer friend was trying to get in my way.

I caught the arrow he shot without even looking. Even through the pounding in my head, that felt good. I looked at the archer to make sure he knew how sub-par he was. Then suddenly, I was blasted out of the air. Knocked straight off the chariot, I fell down, down, down. I hit the edge of something, I think Stark's building, but it did little to slow my fall.

I hit the ground hard, lying in a pile of rubble. If I were anything but Asgardian, I would surely be dead.

As it was, I was knocked senseless. The pounding in my head was replaced with an intense dizziness, and the Midguardian ground seemed to swim beneath me.

I staggered to my feet only to collapse in a heap again. What was wrong with me? My whole body felt weak...

"Hey!" I heard a yell, but from where I was laying on the floor I couldn't be bothered to look up and find the source. "Hey, buddy, you okay?"

I was rolled onto my back, and suddenly the face of a handsome Midguardian appeared above me.

"Hey, stay with me, okay?" he asked, looking me over and moving a finger back and forth in front of my face. I groaned and swatted his hand away, but he just chuckled. "Ha, looks like you're doin' alright. Somehow."

As he spoke, another massive piece of rubble fell right next to us, spraying us with shrapnel and dust.

"Although if we don't get movin', neither of us may be alright for long. Can you walk?"

"Of course I can walk," I scoffed. I sat up, apparently too quickly, because my head and the room started spinning again.

"Easy there buddy, no need to push yourself." Before I could protest, the Midguardian—apparently a police officer, if his uniform was any indication—put one of my arms over his shoulder and one of his arms around my waist, then hauled me to my feet.

I didn't want to rely on a Midguardian to walk, but no matter how hard I tried to lean away I couldn't.

I felt weak. And I didn't like it.

"Unhand me!" I demanded, trying to look at my captor as he dragged me through the rubble.

"You know, you've been talking so normally, I figured you didn't hit your head that hard, but if you're trying to get me to leave you in the rubble to get smashed? You must've really gotten a good whack."

I scoffed, but truthfully, I didn't know how to respond. Who did this Midguardian think he was?

"I'm Alex, by the way," he said, almost as if he'd read my mind. "What's your name?"

"I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened—" I cut off mid-sentence. It started as a reflex, like I had no other choice to describe myself. Burdened with glorious purpose. That just didn't seem right anymore... why would it have to be that way?

I was ripped out of my self-reflection by the Midguardian—Alex—releasing a snort of laughter next to me.

"What exactly is so funny?" I demanded. "Are you laughing at my suffering?"

"Sorry, sorry, no, it's just... I don't think I've ever heard a guy answer 'who are you?' with 'I am Loki and I am burdened' before. What a statement." He couldn't hold back more peals of laughter as he finished speaking, and all I could do in my current state was roll my eyes. Midguardians.

I didn't say anything else, and neither did Alex. We just kept trudging through the rubble, further and further away.

After a few more minutes there was a large explosion from behind us. I managed to look back to see the portal closing, dead Chitauri warriors falling out of the sky. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt relieved.

My brother was right. He managed to stop it.

The world started spinning again, and like the end of a Midguardian movie, everything started fading to black. I swayed a bit more on my feet, and I tripped over some rubble that I couldn't see anymore.

"Alright, we should probably get you to a hospital... hey, you still with me? Hey!"

Alex kept talking, but his voice was sounding quieter and quieter every minute. His voice faded entirely, along with all the rest of the noice and chaos coming from the city. Everything went dark.

****************

I came to with a pounding in my head again, and I wanted to panic. The pounding that had been driving me for days, the pounding that disappeared when I hit my head after falling to the bottom of Stark's ridiculous building, had returned.

As I woke more fully, however, I realized this was a different kind of pounding. My head hurt, but there was no endless beat driving me forward, to do things I couldn't fully understand. It was more of an ache, like something had been forcefully removed from the cavity in my skull.

My sight came back and feeling returned to my body, and I sat up. I was laying on a bed in a small room without much in it. I could hear sirens and see flashing lights coming from outside, which surely meant the Midguardians were still dealing with the emergency. So how had I gotten here?

"Hey, you're up. I was starting to think you mighta been a goner."

I turned to locate the source of this new sound and found Alex standing in the doorway, holding a cup of coffee. He no longer wore his Midguardian uniform. Instead he was dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans, and he looked as tired as I felt.

"Where am I?" I asked, getting straight to the point. Surely my brother and his friends were looking for me, and I had no idea why this Midguardian officer hadn't turned me over to them yet.

"Spare bedroom of my apartment. The city's a mess, and it was closer than any of the nearest hospitals. One of the EMT's said you didn't have any injuries, somehow, so I figured I'd bring you here and give you some space to recover while I dealt with some other problems in the city."

Alex sipped his coffee as if his answer were perfectly normal. I, on the other hand, still had questions.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yeah, uh, lemme see if I can get this right... you are Loki and you are burdened."

I covered up a laugh with a snort.

"Surely you're not that thick. You must know by now exactly who I am, and what I've done. You're a Midguardian police officer, for Odin's sake."

Alex sighed and walked over, sitting down heavily on the bed.

"Alright, fine, I know who you are. So what?"

"So why haven't you turned me in."

Alex didn't answer right away, instead taking a long sip of his coffee. I got the impression that he didn't fully know the answer to my question himself, so he was taking some time to think about it.

"I don't really know," he started, staring off at the other side of the room. "At first, you were just a hurt civilian, and it was my job to rescue you. But when you said your name was Loki... well, I'm not stupid. I watch the news, and I knew exactly who you were.

"Then you started into that stupid speech you gave in Germany, and I was all ready to call the Avengers and do my civic duty, yadda yadda yadda. But then you just stopped. And I don't know, you looked so lost, like you couldn't remember why you'd said that speech in the first place... I don't know. I'm probably crazy, but I wanted to give you a chance. I wanted to see if my cop instincts were right about what that hesitation meant, about why you didn't finish your sentence."

"And exactly what do you think that reason is?"

"I don't think you knew what you were doing. Not fully, at least." Alex turned to look me dead in the eye this time. "And maybe that's just wishful thinking, but my instincts are usually right."

"You'd really believe that?" I asked skeptically. It seemed far too good to be true.

"Hey, aliens just came down from the sky and tried to overrun New York. Anything's possible."

I sighed. I had no idea why I was getting so lucky, being found by a Midguardian who didn't want to immediately turn me over to my brother, but I figured I at least owed him the truth in return for his help.

"Alright. I suppose you're not entirely wrong," I said, looking anywhere but at Alex. "A while back... it's not really important, exactly how I got there or what happened, but I think... well, I had a run in with someone I didn't know existed until it was too late. He was..."

I shuddered, thinking about my time between worlds. With him, on his ship. The Sanctuary Two. I didn't even want to think his name.

I took a breath to collect myself. No matter what had happened to me, it was unbecoming for a Prince of Asgard to be rendered so helpless.

"Well, let's just say he was rather unpleasant, and far stronger than me," I finished, finally making eye contact with Alex. He was listening intently, his kind, crystal blue eyes never leaving mine. "I'm not quite sure, since most of my time there was a blur, but I think he may have done something to me. Gotten inside my head, perhaps quite literally."

Alex nodded thoughtfully, giving me time to keep talking if I wanted to. Once he was sure I was done, he spoke.

"I've seen that before. I have a buddy who works with S.H.I.E.L.D., and well... he's seen plenty of torture and mind control. He never gives me the details, but we're like brothers, so he comes to me to get a break when it gets to be a little too much."

I stared holes into the bed sheets around me. Torture. I'd never thought the word before, but there could be no other description for what I endured at his hands.

How did I end up in a place like this?

"So, I have to ask... are you feeling better now? Mentally, at least?" asked Alex. I looked back at him.

"You mean, do I still feel the urge to fight, kill, and rule Midguard?"

Alex breathed a small laugh. "I sure wasn't gonna put it that bluntly, but yeah."

I took a deep breath before answering, trying to assess how I really felt. My head hurt, my body ached, but I didn't feel that rhythmic pounding driving me forward anymore. I didn't feel like stabbing my brother any more than I did when we were children, no matter how angry he was sure to be at me.

Finally, I turned back to Alex. I had my answer.

"No. I feel mostly normal again, for the first time since... well, in a long time."

Alex smiled, and it sparked a warm feeling in my chest. What in the nine realms was that?

"Well good, I'm glad. If you're feeling up for a short walk, I made dinner. It's all ready to go in the kitchen if you want some. Assuming, you know, intergalactic beings like you and Thor actually eat that kind of thing."

I chuckled. "Yes, we do. Dinner would be wonderful."

"Great. Here, let me help you."

I was about to protest that I didn't need help to walk, especially not from a weak Midguardian, but as Alex wrapped his arm around my waist to help me walk, the words died in my throat.

"You good?"

I cleared my throat. "Perfectly fine, thank you."

We walked to the kitchen together, and the small dining table was set with places for two. I raised an eyebrow as Alex helped ease me into my seat.

"I was hoping you'd be up by now," explained Alex as he sat opposite me.

"Well, I'm glad you were right." I surveyed the food, and Alex sitting across from me in his little apartment. It all seemed too good to be true. "So, when are you planning on turning me over to my brother?"

Alex looked up from his dinner to give me an incredulous look.

"You seriously think I'm still going to turn you over to your brother?"

"You're a police officer, aren't you?"

He sighed and set down his utensils, looking me dead in the eyes to make his point.

"Look, I get that I should turn you over, but I'm not going to. Don't ask me to explain it because I don't really want to, and I don't even really get why, but just know that you're safe while you're here."

As little sense as it made, I believed him.

I smiled to myself and started eating. What a strange place I now found myself in. Good, at least so far, but strange.

"So, Loki, tell me about yourself—"

Alex was cut off by a knock at the door. His face dropped, and he stood up quickly, looking extremely stressed.

"Stay here and don't make a sound."

He left the room without another word, but of course I wasn't going to listen to that. I was a very curious person, and Midguardians were not allowed to order me around.

I cloaked myself using magic (which was thankfully still working) and followed Alex to his front door. I found a hiding place and dropped my veil, since it was too hard to hold in my current state.

To my horror, Alex opened the door to my brother and his overly patriotic friend standing at the welcome mat.

"Can I help you?" asked Alex, looking calm despite the visitors at his door. My heart raced. Were my senses truly so messed up that I didn't catch this Midguardian lying to me?

"We're looking for my brother," said Thor, not wasting any time. "Some of the other Midguardian rescuers said we should talk to you."

"I can't help you buddy, sorry," said Alex, shaking his head. My heart started racing. He was lying to Thor for me. "I just got off duty, I honestly just sat down to dinner."

"Anybody else in there with you?" asked Captain Spandex, craning his neck to try to see around Alex. "Couple of people said they saw you bringing someone else into your apartment."

"Yeah, my boyfriend," said Alex, sounding slightly annoyed now. "We've both been through a lot today and we were sitting down to a nice dinner, until the two of you knocked on my door."

I had no idea if it was the way he stood his ground against my brother and Captain America, how easily and confidently he lied on the spot, or being called his boyfriend, but I felt my heart start picking up speed as I continued to watch Alex.

Thor started to leave, but Captain Stick in the Mud, damn him, wasn't so easily convinced.

"Do you mind calling your boyfriend over? We're in the middle of a global manhunt, and it would be great to talk to him too."

Alex started to speak, probably to tell the Captain to go to hell (making him instantly more attractive, if that were possible), but I stepped in before he could. It took a lot of effort, but I managed to summon a disguise and hold it. Now no one would be able to recognize me. Not even my own brother.

"Alex? What's the matter?" I asked, coming to the door. Thankfully this Midguardian was just as sharp as he seemed, and he quickly caught on.

"Just telling our city's heroes that Loki's not here. Just me and you." Alex wrapped his arm around me, and I planted a kiss on his forehead. All in the name of a convincing disguise, of course.

"Sorry we couldn't be of more help," I said simply. The Captain and my brother excused themselves, Rogers still looking suspicious. But it didn't matter. There was nothing they could do, at least not right now.

The door closed, and I let my illusion drop. Alex and I started walking back to the dinner table.

"Nice trick," he said, sounding much more nervous now that the danger had passed. I knew that adrenaline dump well.

"Likewise. You're a very impressive liar." Alex grinned as we each took our seats. "And boyfriend?"

Alex flushed an adorableshade of red, and I made up my mind. I liked this Midguardian.

"Well, I mean, they were right at the door, and I had to come up with something, so—"Alex was stuttering, so I cut him off.

"I like the sound of that."

Alex stopped mid-word and looked up at me, a grin to match my own slowly spreading across his face. What started as one of the worst days of my life may yet turn out to be one of the best.

If, someday, my brother and I managed to patch things up, I would have to tell him how terribly wrong I was for mocking him when he fell for the Midguardian.


End file.
